After a 3 1/2 mile walk around our favorite lake, Nala and I are both pooped. We used to jog this lake almost daily plus the half mile between our home each way. Upon completion today, my feet and my back ache… and I have a triangle of sweat between my shoulder blades. Everything like before. Except for the fact that we walked.
It was a pleasant walk and as we went around all of the runners and joggers smiled graciously at me. I’m much bigger now than I was when I thought people were smiling at me for being active and pregnant before. In retrospect, nobody probably knew back then and I was just feeling happy enough on my own and projected it on to everyone else. But today was decidedly different…
As people ran by I didn’t feel envy. Their smiles were not apathetic but genuine in my mind. I imagined two scenarios for myself six months from now. One, where I’m running around the lake with my baby and my dog. Two, where I am still walking. I let both images sit with me for a while contemplating my true feelings on each. Would I be able to run by then? Would I beat myself up if I couldn’t?
Would I ever have toned legs? Did I ever have them before?? Near the end of the walk I felt fine with either scenario. Getting outside and moving my body is what is most important… not the label of being a runner. If it feels good I’ll do it. Slowing down these last few months has taught me to be content with whatever my body is capable of doing. She carried me far today. And we still have a full day ahead of ourselves.