If anyone had told me on my wedding day, that just one year later I’d be writing my 100th post on my pregnancy blog, and that I’d be 2 months away from being a mother, I would have laughed. And cried. Unfathomable! Horrifying! I would have lived those four months post-wedding like I was diagnosed with a fatal disease, pissing away money and free-time… traveling the world, drinking the finest wines, and wearing bikinis to the office! Okay, maybe not that last part?
But I didn’t have a clue back then.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. Pregnancy had always been the holy grail of womanhood for me. Something that I knew one day I would attain but didn’t quite know when or how… Like winning the lotto, something that happened to other people but was hard to imagine happening to me despite wanting it so bad. And that is probably a large part of why we weren’t using birth control for so long. That pregnancy almost felt like a fable— something that happened to other people and not to us. Why limit our chances? Some say careless, but I say subconsciously planned. We wanted a baby. And it happened.
When I say I didn’t have a clue back then, I mean in terms of knowing what having a baby, or being pregnant would entail. I knew that it was a fact of life— one that I wanted, but had a totally warped sense of what it would be like. When I’m pregnant I’ll have to stop running. I’ll have to stop eating cheese… I’ll be so sick I’ll have to eat nothing but Saltines for nine months… so tired that I’ll spend my weekends napping. When I’m pregnant, my life will stop.
None of this was true for me. In fact, since becoming pregnant, my life has become richer, fuller, more social, more family oriented. I’ve expanded my definition of what pregnant people can and should do. And I am so proud and so grateful for it all.
One year ago this weekend, Melbs and I recited marriage vows to each other, and I had a very-favorite part. A sentence that made my stomach flip when our officiant, Dale read it aloud to our friends and family:
These are the hands that will care for your children, and God willing, your children’s children.
Holding Melbs’ hands during that moment was magical because I knew it was true. I just couldn’t imagine yet what those hands would look like when they belonged to a father— or what mine would look like when they held a pregnant belly and felt the kicks of our first child. Well, I now know that those hands look very much the same as they did a year ago. I don’t regret a moment of being pregnant during our first year as a married couple. It’s cemented our commitment to one another in ways I’d never dreamed of.
We’ll see what surprises year 2 holds for us… and for our growing family.